Rant (or Simple math)

This will be my first page from an online journey journal.

It begins with how everything sucks.

Time consuming is airport's main goal in life.

Soon enough I'll provide you with the exact figures for your calculations though let me describe the flow of events

1. Canada - You're not different than anyone

How long do you reckon it takes to get to the airport from Kits? 30 minutes? 45 minutes? An hour? and that's when we're talking really busy people.

No - Canada, and especially Vancouver, have decided to stretch the human patience, with an agonizing trip of an hour and a half, with a bonus trip in downtown Richmond, all to bypass, what can be trivially be described as a human error (if that in fact is a human), an accident on the bridge leading to airport. Who get involved in an accident so close to the airport to back up an entire city?

Probably some stupid Canadian...

2. Why if you're already waiting - why won't you wait some more?

So it's not only the poor passengers that couldn't make it to the plane, it's the crew as well, so another wait is upon me - let's just wait till the plane is ready and equipped with the right people

That's 2 points for you Canada so far.

3. How long does it take to park a plane?

Landing in Heathrow should be an exciting occasion shouldn't it? it tells you, the passenger, that the long journey (must say that the actual flight in British Airways is quite lovely, no sarcasm here) had come to an end, the wheels have touched the ground, and in a few minutes we should be out the plane going in the tunnel continuing with our own destiny. But no. Not today. Today we wait in the plane for 30 minutes till we can find an empty space to park.

I don't know, I would think that the pilots that get paid nicely, should be able to parallel park, but that's my honest opinion.

The rest of the passengers' opinion wasn't that kind.

4. Would you like to stay in our lovely airport?

Airport, how long do you think you'll spend there connecting from one flight to the other?

I'll tell you how long - 3 hours, that's how long. We begin our journey in a long, but very uninteresting wait in the passport control line up. 30 minutes is nothing these days.

Finding my suitcase is a really easy procedure as there was no other luggage laying on the conveyor belt but mine. Maybe because it was the last one to be loaded. 30 more minutes, peanuts.

Let's find the connector from Terminal 4 to Terminal 2. Oh no, no no no, not today, today we're renovating, so all passengers should catch the coach.

What is it that you say? The coach will be here shortly? Why isn't that lovely.

Hello bus driver, it's so nice of you to drop me somewhere in the middle of nowhere, maybe in the vicinity of Terminal 3. Thanks! Well, that's the airport's complimentary bus for those poor souls who needed to get to the other, more popular terminals.

Hmm... 40 minutes should do the job, after all Heathrow is quite big. About the size from Vancouver to Abbotsford, wouldn't you say?

England - 2, or duz pois.

5. Ze Germans

25 minutes wait before the plane takes off, used to it by now, it that the best you could do? after such a day, 25 minutes wait is minor, or is it? The rest was alright: no extra waiting in the plane after landing (actually to make things faster they opened both the front and the rear exit of the plane), aside from the sexual encounter everyone had with the security guy, who wouldn't mind checking your bum, and the opposite part of it (maybe if he was a really hot girl it would have been fine).

Germany – 1 point (but with WWII and all – probably more)

All in all, 24 hours from point A to point B, flight durance is as follow:

Vancouver-London: 9 hours

London-Frankfurt: 1.5 hours

Frankfurt-Tel-Aviv: 4 hours

Total: 14.5 hours of actual airtime

Total time of supposedly waiting time in the airport doing whatever I want to do?

2 hours overall. Thank you very much.

So that's it, Israel is here after so many hours of waiting and wasting my time.

So a little piece of advice - don't fly!

Salute, Good day, and Shalom from the land of the holy Hummus.